Lexington love

I'm back!! and it feels really good. :) I arrived back in Lexington this afternoon and did some unpacking/rearranging/waiting for the cable guy to show up and hook up my television and internet. Well, he still wasn't here by 6, so Jenny and I went to dinner and then came back when he called us at 7 to let us know he was on his way. An hour and wonderful high-speed internet later, we headed over to Alice's house for a little hanging out fun.

Today was a great day. I was reminded of why I love being here while Jenny, Alice, and I were sitting on Alice's deck staring up at the sky. It's so great to be able to go meet a friend who lives less than 10 minutes away...and most of my friends do!! And then we just sit outside and talk and laugh and share stories. Even our trip to Walmart, though normal, was exciting.

I love Lexington because I love the way we live here. I love sitting under the stars and talking about plans. I love that I can be at my best friends' houses/apartments in under five minutes flat. I love how silly grocery shopping can be.

I love this life. :)

No more GRE!!!

It's done! Over! Kaput! And I'm happy with it. Sorry for the lack of interesting posts in the past week, but making my graduate school application look nicer took precedence. I took the GRE this morning and I'm happy with it, but most of all, ready to go back to school. Good thing that that's Friday's activity! Not that I don't want to be here, but I miss everyone a lot. On to more interesting thoughts...

Recently I've been thinking about what it means to have faith like a child. These thoughts came from two TFC sermons Sunday, one last week, watching the Chronicles of Narnia, and thinking about being an adult. The sermons were, in chronological order, about the following: the 9th commandment (thou shalt not bear false witness, ie no lying), the 10th commandment (thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's possessions, ie rely on God and don't grow jealous over what someone else has), and the parable of the prodigal son (did you know that prodigal means extravagant? GRE knowledge of the day).

Okay, I admit, from that list it might be hard to see what I mean by having faith like a child, but TFC's current 10 Commandment series has been focusing on applying the commandments to New Testament teachings. So for false witness we talked about not only not lying, but watching all of our words and making sure that they are edifying and building others up rather than taking them down. For covetousness, we talked about how the reason we become jealous over what someone else has is underlying fear. If you are jealous over someone else's job, then you might be afraid that your's is not good enough. Jealousy grows with comparing yourself to someone else and ends with a lie, a shadow of what you really want. The pastor (David Glade) noted that there are two great tragedies of life: not getting what you want, and getting it. The real issue here is not trusting God with our future, relationships, security, money, etc.

Then I was watching Narnia and it struck me how Lucy just trusted Aslan just like that. There was no question. She knew he was good and that she had nothing to fear from him. It took Peter and Susan a little longer and it was hard for them, especially for Peter, to realize what power they had because of Aslan. It's the same thing with us and God. It is so easy to trust when we're still innocent, before we go through tough times in life, because tough times cause us to doubt that maybe this time, God isn't going to come through for us.

Of course, that's a lie. He's always going to come through. A true adult faith is a faith like a child that is informed by life experiences. This kind of faith allows us to forgive and bring our fallen brothers and sisters back into the fold, and welcome new ones (see the other brother in the prodigal son story). This kind of faith recognizes that we are God's and He is our Father. He is going to welcome us home no matter what. This faith allows us to yield our dreams and hopes to God's will, knowing that His plans are good and for our future, realizing that even though others may fail us, He never has and He never will.

I'm not who I was

I've been thinking about a friend who I haven't seen in a very long time recently, one of those friendships that didn't end in a way that I had wanted. I don't really have any idea how this person is doing, but I'm at a place now that I feel like I really could talk to and hang out with them again and it would be okay. But at the same time, there's the question of whether or not I should do something about it. I've forgiven them in my heart, but would contacting them be a poor decision? I like what Brandon Heath has to say...

I'm Not Who I Was, by Brandon Heath

I wish you could see me now

I wish I could show you how

I'm not who I was

I used to be mad at you

A little on the hurt side, too

But I'm not who I was

I found my way around

To forgiving you

Sometime ago

But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph

I saw me and I had to laugh

You know, I'm not who I was

You were there, you were right beside me

And I wonder if you ever loved me

Just for who I was

When the pain came back again

Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do

To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing

I figured out I can sing

Now I'm not who I was

I write about love and such

Maybe cause I want it so much

I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I

Should let you know

I am not the same

But I never did forget your name

Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing

About amazing grace

Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now

I wish I could show you how

I'm not who I was

Song of the Moment: Be Lifted Up

Being musically inclined, I often have songs that I listen to over...and over...and over...just because there's something about them at that particular moment that just makes me feel something. Right now, this is that song:

Be Lifted Up, by Paul Oakley

Be lifted up

Be lifted up

As we bow down, be lifted up

Be lifted up

Be lifted up

As we bow down, be lifted up

Let the heavens rejoice

Let the nations be glad

Let the whole earth tremble

For you are God

Come and worship the Lord

In the beauty of holiness

As we bow down, be lifted up

This song is an E-A-B chord progression, with a C#m chord late in the chorus, so it's very easy to play, and simple, which is probably why I like it so much. I actually prefer the version sung by The Livingstone Collective on their CD "Portrait of Worship" to the version sung by Paul Oakley, in case anyone wants to check it out on iTunes.

Cogent = well-reasoned

My recent existence has been consumed with studying for the GRE. Besides cogent, I have discovered the following:

• capricious = changing one's mind often
• ameliorate, alleviate, attenuate, and assuage all mean the same thing...in short, to lessen or make more bearable
• diffident is the opposite of confident (really hope that comes up in the antonyms)
• JK Rowling was completely wrong about the word enervate...it actually means to take energy away from something, not to give it back...thank you, Ms. Rowling, for hurting the chances of millions of college students trying to get into graduate school
• however, Ms. Joanne Kathleen was correct about impervious...it means impossible to penetrate ;) and imperturbable is not capable of being disturbed
• malinger is a word that means to evade responsibility by pretending to be ill...I didn't realize that there was a word for this...
• castigate = to punish or criticize harshly...kind of sounds like castrate
• dirge, eulogy, and elegy are all sorrowful, mournful speeches
• inchoate = not fully formed, disorganized = in chaos ;)
• insipid = lacking interest or flavor = it has no flavor, so it cannot be sipped

These are all valuable discoveries, I feel. At the very least, they will help me get into graduate school. Of this I am certain. I'm not sure if I will have to take other tests; I might have to take the Praxis II??? Not quite clear on that at the moment.

Other than GRE studying, I have been working on organisation to prepare to return to Lexington (yay!), which so far has consisted of sorting all of the books I own and storing them in boxes. I also have plans to sort through mountains of paper. But not yet.

I went to Lexington on Monday and Tuesday, after singing at Kairos on Sunday (which was great!). Had the privilege of experiencing one of Michael's tours, and I also got to see Jenny, Paul-Devin, Kelly, and various other people who happened to be around town. Then Rachel came up yesterday to watch High School Musical 2 here with the fam!!! SO good!!! Caelah and I think that the best part is Troy's solo, just because it's so cliched and awful...but really...HSM2 was pretty good. Good enough for me to have listened to the soundtrack all day today.

Jesse went back to Tech today, and Caelah is getting ready to go to Georgetown next Saturday. A little less than two weeks, and then it's back to normalcy...or at least, as normal as it gets...

I can't wait!!

Dwell in the midst of us

Worship practice last night was exhilarating. I haven’t had a singing experience like that since being in Germany with University Chorus in April. One of the things I love about Kairos worship is that the worshippers understand that we are there to lead worship, not to be a band; but that doesn’t mean that we can’t be artistic.

Kairos worship isn’t afraid to take risks. Hey, they’re allowing a college senior that they’ve only known for a couple months to take her turn at singing this Sunday. :) I’d say that that’s a bit of a risk. They usually have people come to practices for a while before allowing them to sing or play on Sunday evening. But they take other risks, too, like writing their own harmonies, or including new instruments that haven’t been a part of the team ever before. There is a great girl who plays violin sometimes, and it adds such a different and beautiful element!

That’s not to say that worship teams need to include different instruments and harmonies to be successful. Sometimes that isn’t practical, or there just aren’t enough people to really do it right. But this Sunday there’s only going to be four of us (Steve on drums, Matt on piano and male vocal, Jordan on guitar and female vocal, and me doing female harmony) and last night we didn’t sound too shabby when it was just us practicing. We sounded great with everyone else, too.

The other thing I love about Kairos worship is that it really IS a worship TEAM. The line-up changes every week. I think this is such a good idea, if you have enough people to pull it off. It allows for more creative expression and a fresh perspective every week. I feel like worship can get boring if it’s the same thing every time, and worship should be anything but boring. It also allows you the opportunity to work with different instruments and singers, and really challenge yourself and make your own musical skills better. I learned last night that I really need to see notes if I’m going to be singing harmony! It was neat to incorporate skills that I’ve been learning in classes at W&L into an extra-curricular activity.

Finally, I think that Kairos does a very good job at including the community in worship. Weekly worship practice on Thursday night is open for anyone in the ministry, not just for worship team members on Sunday. We always take the time to get to know one another and pray beforehand, and people can participate as much or as little as they like. The leader always tries to make enough music copies for anyone who might come. I’ve always felt included and refreshed afterwards. It’s especially cool to see how other worship teams handle practicing and taking their craft seriously.

I truly believe that worship is a craft that must be honed. It’s not just singing the right notes and embellishing well, because worship isn’t just about music. It’s a lifestyle, and it’s about serving. It’s really cool to engage in a ministry that allows worship to flourish in a unique way that I think should be more common.

I’m really looking forward to this Sunday!

What is right is not always popular...

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same" ~ The Fray

Sometimes we need to do things that aren't what we really want to do, but we know that we have to do them. We do this because we know that in the long run, it will be better. There will be less hurt and heartbreak and good will be preserved.

But that doesn't make those decisions any easier.

I got to hang out with Adrianne tonight, which was great. It's been a while since we've had a hot tub discussion, so we were due for another one. :) It's great to see how even though we're growing up now and facing different things, deep down, we're still the same. There are some things that will never change.

I also watched "The Bourne Supremacy" with my parents. We're getting ready to see "Ultimatum" on Friday!!! Major excitement. Then on Saturday we're going to the boat and on Sunday I'm singing at church after work. I'm a little nervous, but I think it will be fun. Worship practice is tomorrow night, so pray for me if you think about it!

Time now for sleep...

Only just beginning

I've had the most excellent feeling lately that I'm only just beginning my story. I'm nowhere near the end of it. Even if I feel that there's no way I can move forward at times, that's just not true. I can move forward because there is somewhere to go, even if I don't know the exact definition.

For some, the end of college is a finality. It's over. The fun is gone, and now it's time to emerge into the sunlight of reality (or maybe they're train headlights). It's hard to see how leaving a community and moving to something totally new is a good thing.

Yet, even though I will not graduate for another ten months, I still do not feel like this is the end. Of course, I will leave W&L and Lexington and go one to somewhere else, but it feels fluid, as if the journey remains continuous. I am not starting and stopping, rather, I am just continuing what I began long ago.

It's a refreshing feeling.